New Years progress

No need to read this folks, I'm just making lists again for my own records. Aside from New Years resolutions, I've made one of those 'Accomplishments Jars' where you just toss in the cool things you've done that year and get all the warm fuzzies at the end of the year instead of being sad for not accomplishing any goals. I'm actually doing alright with my goals though, so I figured I'd log that before the year goes to hell.

1.  Stop looking at my phone before bed. Not yet.
2.  Live alone. Not yet.
3.  Get a job. Yep.
4.  Travel to another country (South America???). I've traveled to Italy and France this year.
5.  Volunteer for a writing non-profit. I've been volunteering at Lighthouse Writer's Workshop in Denver and I love it. I also added the Denver Public Library to the mix this year.
6.  Get back into yoga. I started with a month but now I have to sign up for more. 
7.  Move to a different U.S. city. Not yet.

I wrote those goals down on the blog but my actual goals, written in a different notebook, are as follows:

1. Sleep. Sorted.
2. Skin. I'm trying.
3. Yoga. Started.
4. Job. Sorted.
5. Water. Ongoing effort.
6. Simplify relationships. Sorted.
7. Live in a different city. Not yet.
8. Go abroad. Sorted, but would like to go to a country I've not yet been.
9. Write more. Kinda. I've been writing quick blurbs on my Instagram account about travel experiences and though it's not poetry or journalism, it does feel like a slight accomplishment.
10. Read more books/poetry. Yes. Read Nocturnes by Ishiguro and am currently slugging through 1Q84 by Murikami. Also, Carl Sandburg's Chicago poems and started Boyhood by Coetzee.
11. Live alone. Not yet.

Change...

Change is gonna come.

Funny how life goes....before I had nothing going for me in the U.S.  No job prospects, nothing to do. The help of beautiful friends and family was all that was keeping me alive and motivated.  A $30 month of unlimited yoga didn't hurt those productivity vibes.

But here I am, from zero to two jobs, three volunteers posts, and a shorty trip abroad booked as a reward for getting through these months of fear and doubt as an unemployed person, burnt out and broke from years in school, months of backpacking about Europe, and the months to follow living out of two duffle bags in the U.S., bouncing from home to home  I think my problem was that I was looking for the "right" job.  Something that fit me perfectly.  I've written some of the most beautiful and inspiring cover letters out there.  I've revamped my resume endlessly.  I've searched countless job search websites looking for "it," the perfect job.

But then I got desperate.  No money means no travel, no home of my own, and a cloud of debilitating fear.  And that is just a terrible feeling.  So, I stopped caring so much and just worked every day to send in at least one resume each day to places that inspire me, even just slightly inspire me.  Because who the hell cares at this point?  I'm passionate about a lot of things, and once I can start putting myself into different job situations, I know I'll sort out the dreaded career stuff.  For now, though, my bills need payin' and I gotta get back to a somewhat normal Sonja way of life.

Who knows, maybe the past months have been a kind of normal for me.  I'll always be a bit of a vagabond.  When I showed up to April's place, I was wearing sweatpants, socks and flipflops, and was hauling two duffle bags with a blanket around my neck.  April buckled over laughing, but I think the past year has given me such a variety of living situations that I'm not even phased by the crazy that comes along with it anymore. Liminality is my lifestyle and I may as well buckup and enjoy it while I can get away with it.