That one time guy from Thailand helped me solve all of my Denver problems...

This little ditty is about a weird dude in Thailand who taught me how to be a good person with one socially awkward exchange with his friend while we were sitting around at a climbing crag shooting the shit like we would on any other normal day relaxing with climbing buds and then all of a sudden I hear:

"Dude, you've been pissing me off for the past couple days."  Lots of hurrumphs and grunts and man noises commenced, but from what I heard, socially awkward guy number one was telling dude number two: "Listen man, I've had a good time while we've traveled together.  But.  I don't need to be associated with you anymore.  I'm done being your friend and from this point on, I'm done traveling with you."  If I were at home watching the Real Housewives of Orange County, eating popcorn with my sweatpants and greasy tank top, my reaction would've been, "OOOOOHHHHH SNAAAPPP FOTHAAA MUCKAAAAAA" [fist-full of popcorn stuffed in my face].

But there I was, in real life, in real time, witness to the most brutally honest encounter I'd ever seen.

Let me give you a play-by-play of my emotional reaction (in my head!):
-"That was crraazyy brutal!"
-"I can't believe he did that in ear shot of everyone!"
-"That seemed pretty inappropriate!"
-"But wait."
-"That was amazing.  And perfect.  And brilliant.  And life's way too short not to be brutal.  This guy just gave me the secret code/answer to the universe.  WHAT."

I mean, that's a short list of the things I felt.  I went from being horrified and embarrassed for awkward guy number one to thinking that he was the absolute most brilliant person on earth.

Let's flash forward to life in Denver.  Without getting toooooo personal, I recently was involved in a situation with another person that made me crazy uncomfortable.  Lots of emotions, lots of weird, lots of indecision and turmoil over what to do and who to talk to and a;sdlfkas;dfj;aoiupqer.  I guess it's just tough to talk about stuff with a person when that stuff will most likely make that person (and me!) feel weird and uncomfortable.  And I loath making anyone (and me!) feel the weirds in any way shape or form.  But my gut told me that I just had to embody the power of awkward guy number one from Thailand.  Life's too short to not to talk to people about how you feel.  So.  I was straightforward; I was honest; and most significantly, I was immediately relieved.  Any weirdness, insecurity, and emotional turmoil on my end vanished in a snap.  AND WOW IT WAS JUST SO NEAT HOW THINGS WORKED OUT!!!!!!!

So, anywhoo.  I guess this is my weird way of thanking awkward guy number one from Thailand.  He really did teach me a lot when he stone cold, cold shoulder, ice cold, cold as Christmas, shut down the shit outta dude number two.

A few quick notes on Thailand...

I'm sitting in a jungle bungalow with a thatched roof made of mangrove leaves.  The behind the bar boombox is blasting shitty American pop music circa 2001? 2002? Whenever Avril Lavigne and Evinescence had their heyday.  That's where Thailand is stuck.  But it's not so bad.  I know all the words, afterall.  The breeze from the window is refreshingly chilling and though I have a list a mile long (book flights from Phuket to Chiang Mai and back to Bangkok, figure out how to find the Khao Sok bus station, read ahead for the classes I'm missing this week and next, sync photos, etc), it feels good to finally feel like I can take a moment to sit and reflect.  I'm not even three weeks in and I feel like I've been here for a year.  Since I'm beyond writing a coherent or sensical series of paragraphs, I'm gonna go ahead and write a list of random stuff I've noticed about Thailand or myself or whatever comes up, really.  Punctuation will be as willy-nilly as something willy-nilly and metaphors will be as loosy-goosy as that last one.  My brain is fried in the best way and writing anything down at this point feels like...ummm, yeah, metaphors just aren't going to happen.  Here's the list of random:

-Thailand transportation is crazy in every way.  People don't wear seatbelts.  Cars pass each other in no pass zones, weaving between motor bikes, portable foodcarts, and women and children walking their bikes in the shoulder of the highway.  A taxi can be a tuk tuk or the back of a pick up truck.  I've taken tractors, motorbikes, vans, buses.  And that's not even counting the boats.  Longboats, speed boats, boats whose names I don't know.  I mean, really, anything that has a motor has carted me around this crazy country at a slow gurgle or at the speed where you find yourself clutching your armrests, white-knuckled, imagining with vivid detail your body being flung from the vehicle upon smashing into the approaching weave and speed crazed tour buses.  I will say, though, I got used to the crazy transport system pretty quick.  I trust the drivers here.  Not because I'm cool as a cucumber, but because I've had no choice but to let go of the fear and just trust.  It's a good feeling.

-I'm thankful to have seen a lot of different sides of Thailand thus far.  Staying in Thai villages in the Thai people's homes, talking to Tsunami victims, learning to make the very roof I'm sitting under, using a hatchet to chop through two layers of coconut in order to make a traditional Thai desert, getting lost, getting swindled left and right, attempting to barter, getting laughed at in the nicest of ways, getting Thai massages, hiking through the jungle, seeing a myriad of beaches, snorkeling with a school of striped fish, sleeping at an ecolodge and waking up to ants crawling all over me, eating the most incredible and unique food, eating a bug the size of my thumb (crunchy on the outside and then a squirt of sour salty gooze surrounding my tongue and teeth--immediate vomit reflex), "feeding" the monks, checking out ginormous golden Buddha statues, I mean.... I don't even know.  There has been so much.  I've been Instagraming like crazy in an attempt to capture the whirlwind of my experience. There are not enough words to explain the feeling that I have in seeing and doing so many new things at once.  I'm the girl who takes time to pause and reflect, analyze and ponder, ruminate and contemplate.  With literally no time in the world to do so, I'm dazed, confused, blind and blissful, soaking up as much as is possible, and finding a way to be okay with the pace of mad-dash travel.  I could go on and on, but anyway...

-Hey Sonja, what food do you miss the most in Thailand?  PEANUT BUTTER WITHOUT A DOUBT IN THIS WORLD.  Yeah, so so much.  What about other stuff?  I miss music, maybe the most.  I don't have anything on my phone and am too cheap or stubborn to buy it on iTunes when I have the files back home.  Spotify and Pandora are banned here....along with youtube videos.  I can't upload music files from dropbox.  When I searched for the New Pornographers (it's a band, for any family reading--ha!), I found out that any porn activity is strictly banned which is insanely ironic considering how much sex tourism I've seen in Thailand.  Anyway.  What else do I miss?  My dogs.  Clean laundry.  A consistent sleeping space.  Wifi.  Warm showers (though, I've become quite skilled at the cold shower).  Normal flushing toilets.  I don't know, I miss all kinds of stuff but have thankfully been so busy, I haven't noticed much.  But, peanut butter.  I will have a sweet and sultry peanut butter affair upon my return.

-Here's a word of advice to the ladies out there and TMI for any men, family, co-workers, hm, maybe I shouldn't divulge, but---Never, and I mean never, get a back-alley Brazilian in Bangkok.  What seemed like a sort of okay, albeit sketchy deal at the time was just not up to snuff.  I'll write a short story about it one of these days.  Great pain breeds great art, am I right?

-Other things: Studying abroad with ten women is kind of a lot.  Like, A LOT.  Overall, things were great.  But shit hit the fan towards the end and while it was pretty entertaining to watch, all of us girls will probably have some war wounds in the end.  Luckily, what happens in Bangkok stays in Bangkok and my lips are sealed regarding that hotmess of a tornado trainwreck, if ya know what I mean.

-The hotel bar I'm sitting at has just turned off all the lights and I'm stupid tired anyway.  I'll try to post more when I can.  I might post my pictures or I might just keep them stowed away on Instagram.  If you're interested, my username is SONINJASTAD. 

-Sending a 'wai' from Thailand.

Places to live (update)...

I wrote about the places I want to live a while back and wanted to make a more up-to-date list.  I crossed out places that are a no-go and updated the list with the stuff that's in italics.

I'm leaving Denver.  

When I graduate from UCD I plan to pack my bags and move on to the next big city, little city, any city.

So!  In anticipation of this change, I've decided to visit as many places in the US as possible, keeping an open mind and heart for my future home.

1.  Albuquerque, NM.  My friend has a gallery opening, so what the hell, I may as well give New Mexico a go.  I visited Albuquerque and decided HELL NAH to living there.

2.  Seattle, WA.  I like rain a lot.

3.  Austin, TX.  Music and vintage clothing.

4.  Nashville, TN.  Yeehaw.

5.  NYC.  Fashion, duh.  (INTERNSHIP AT MAGAZINE)

6.  Fort Collins, CO.  I love Colorado and I don't know if I can leave.  Hope to end up here someday.

7.  New England.  Never been, should probably go.

8.  CHICAGO (INTERNSHIP AT THIS AMERICAN LIFE?)

9.  ABROAD  (TEACH ENGLISH?)

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS HEEEYYYYOOOOO

These are my New Years resolutions from last year.  Resolutions are kind of a biatch.  A lot of these were accomplished during part of the year and totally abandoned in other parts of the year.  Overall, it's been a good and extremely busy year.  My brother got married and I officiated (the most beautiful and meaningful wedding of my life).  I started a membership at a yoga studio which has completely saved me!  I went to Cancun for a week with dear friends.  I skied for the first time since I've lived in Colorado.  I visited New Mexico with my lovely friend, Eva.  I planned a month long trip to Thailand.  I had an awesome time working at the Writing Center (I helped my most notable student prep for the GREs and apply to her dream grad school--and she was accepted!)  I also began tutoring independently, helping a high school student through his last few trimesters of school along with college prep.  I bought two dogs with Jeremiah.  I helped Jere's family move stuff out of their house during the Colorado wild fires.  I moved in with a fabulous roommate in a fabulous new Cap Hill apt.  I went to Vedauwoo and other locations to climb with family and friends.  I visited the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs.  I got the first C of my college career.  I volunteered at the Botanic Gardens and in return spent my Thursday mornings practicing yoga with my fav teacher.  I turned 25.  I visited RMNP and hiked about.  AHHH, I know I'm forgetting a million things, but whatev, here is the end of the year report card along with some new goals for 2014:

2013 Goals:
1.  Whiten my teeth by the end of February.  YES
2.  Chop off all of my hair by the end of the year.  NOPE
3.  Find ways to better cope with stress.  NOPE/YES
4.  Get a gym membership by February.  YES
5.  Stay off Facebook for the year.    NOPE
6.  Fix my shoulder with physical therapy.   YEP
7.  Clean out my car by the end of January.  YEP
8.  Take the rest of my clothes mountain to Goodwill.  NOPE
9.  Cherish the relationships I hold most dear.  SORTA  (What the hell does this even mean?)
10.  Stop putting so much pressure on myself.  NOPE
11.  Drink more water and cut out all soda.  YES/NO
12.  Do one meaningful or productive activity each day and take the time to reflect on this activity.  PROBABLY?
13.  Start volunteering.  YES
14.  Continue journaling.  YES
15.  Get a better sleep schedule.  SORTA  

2014 Goals:
1.  Chop off all of my hair by the end of the year.  Cute pixie cut.
2.  Become comfortable hiking alone.  
3.  Travel to another country (Not including Thailand).
4.  Visit my aunt Pat in Idaho.
5.  Go skiing at least once more this season and buy a ski pass for next season.
6.  Get comfortable visiting ski resorts and skiing on my own.
7.  Find a place where I can live with Alamo (my doggie).  Become a good (single) dog mom.
8.  Continue volunteering at the Botanic Gardens.  Begin volunteering at a senior living facility.
9.  Create a bangin' CV.
10.  Graduate college.
11.  Apply for an internship in NYC BABAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY.

Vent like a motherfxcker...

Okay, this is about to get whiny.  And pathetic.  And sad.  And dumb.  And I hate everything.  And everyone.  Except that everyone is awesome and I mostly just hate myself.

You know that feeling where you just want to scream?  And cry?  And punch all the happy people in the face one by one.  Line em up.  Line those smiling faces up because I'm feeling slap happy.

I know this feeling.  I know this time of year.  I know that this is the way that I get.  Some idiot decided that 5pm was a great time for nightfall and this idiot decided that taking four literature courses at the same time was totally manageable and would be great fun.  "Sonja, the Bible is so interesting and cool and you really need to know this information!"  "FXCK YOU, SONJA.  'Bible as Literature,' my foot!  This piece of 'literature' is total crap and I want a refund."  I just wish that with this much experience, I would be better at coping with the stress that comes with this time of year.

I know that breaking up with the most significant boy of my life, moving, dealing with normal life things that aren't that big of a deal but let me tell you grocery shopping is THE HARDEST FXCKING THING TO DO and WHY will my feet not warm themselves up when I'm sitting alone in bed--I know that these things are not the easiest to deal with in the middle of the semester.  But life happens in the middle of every semester.

It helps to write out my thoughts.  It helps to talk to three different girlfriends and my mom in one day.  It helps to know that this time of year tends to creep up on everyone and if it doesn't, get in that row of happy people so I can slap you but really.

I'm glad you're happy.  And I'm actually a little more happy myself, because I'm starting to think that it's okay to feel not okay, especially during this time of year.  And hey, ya know, the Bible is really not so bad.  And grocery shopping is actually pretty fun.  And my new roommate cleared an entire shelf so I could line up all my boxes of tea and tea cups and holy shit will you look at those yellow trees outside my window and I just can't wait to yoga with my favorite teacher tomorrow and wow, I love my family so much and life!  Life is just so good it's not even funny.  

Things I like to do lately...

Things I like to do lately:

-Thrift for books on S. Broadway.  Specifically Fahrenheit Books.  They have the best books for the best price and it smells so perfect in there.  I've really been into the DRAMA section lately.  

-Thrift for clothes and shoes at Goodwill on S. Broadway.  I've been hitting the jackpot lately.  

-Watch shitty television.  America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, Glee, New Girl.  I'm really happy I can stream all of these shows for free after a long day at school and work.

-Yoga at the Botanic Gardens. 

-School.  I'm taking a class called Nobel Authors with about seven other people and it's just so perfect.  We meet in the back of a musty Victorian which houses the Department of English and before every class we brew tea and chat about our lives.  And the books.  I don't care if I ever get a job; I will be proud to have an English Literature degree when all is said and done.

-Cuddle with my dogs and play tricks on them.  (Wrap Peaches in bubble wrap, clothe Alamo in a button-up shirt like a big boy, etc)  I also love our daily training sessions.  "Gimme paw" is my absolute favorite command because OMGTHEIRCUTELITTLEFACES they don't know what shaking hands is but heck, they'll do it to make me happy.

-My job has been killer lately!  Killer in a good way.  Like, "yeah! radical! killer, dude!"  Soooo, I'd been in a bit of a rut in my one-on-one tutoring sessions.  I'd found a good approach; students were digging it.  Everything was fairly peachy.  BUT WHAT THE HELL, MAN.  How boring.  Lately, I've been critiquing my methods and have decided I'm just not good enough.  I need to be better.  These darn Freshmen and Sophomore's and ESLers  and grad students deserve more from me.  I guess the Juniors and Seniors do, too.  So, yeah, I'm not in a rut anymore because I'm moving forward!

-I would like to blog more.  I make random lists all the time to keep me sane but I almost never write anymore.  I would reaaaaallllyyy like to blog about my brother's wedding.  It was the most stunning event of all time and my experience as the officiate was totally mind-boggling and something I'd like to share.  Until then, folks, here's a picture of happy doggies on a climbing adventure.

Swim...

Oh, J. Crew, why do I always love the most expensive item at your store??  WHY!?