Clumsy...

Yesterday will go down as the clumsiest day of my life.  It started when I was biking down a street in Amsterdam.  I was catching up to some friends, so I was flying pretty good, and all of a sudden my wheels got caught in the gap of the tram tracks which jostled the handle bars so hard that I flung sideways into concrete body rolls as the bike skid beside me.  I smacked my head and everything; it felt like I was in the movies.  I was embarrassed and freaked out by being in the middle of the road, so I snatched up my bike and started riding again, shaken but basically okay. 

So, that was the top of the clumsy list.  But things kept happening all day, and I was amazed at the snowball effect.  At one point, I spilled soft serve ice cream all down the front of my sweater.  At another, I rode up next to a car and sort of just...fell sideways on it until I regained control and just biked away.  When I got back to the house, I went to pick something up in the bathroom and stood up into the porcelain sink.  Like, what!?  And how..!?

Something was in the water.

Life is pretty good in Amsterdam.  I'm staying with my girlfriend, Eva, and I feel pretty normal being here.  I haven't been taking many pictures and haven't felt compelled to write, because a lot of my day-to-day has just been normal life stuff: dishes, cleaning up, grocery shopping, and chilling at cafes with the tiniest coffees in the land.

I try to do "touristy" things every other day or so.  I've been to the Van Gogh, Rijks, and tulip museums, watched a ton of football, and have done more biking than the last 20 yrs of my life combined.  Though yesterday's episode was truly gnarly, I've had the best time biking around here.  I have nothing to compare it to, really, I'm not a biker in the states--but biking here is perfect chaos.  The biking lanes are more prevalent than walking lanes and are paved into almost every road (where the sidewalk would go in the states).  They even have separate red, yellow, and green stop lights (shaped like bikes!) for the bike lanes here.  It's super cute.  I've been using Eva's bike, which has proved challenging as she's about a foot taller than I am, but it's been lovely all the same.

Eva and her friends are getting ready to graduate from Amsterdam University College, so I've also been attending a lot of end of term parties and receptions sponsored by her school.  Free wine, hors d'oeuvres, and mingle time with randoms!

Anyway, if you're reading this, hugs from Amsterdam.  I'll try to update again soon.

Holy mother...

I'm sitting at my dad's house in Iowa City and have just now realized how foreign and strange I feel to be sitting here all alone.

The past few weeks have been intense.  All the way intense.

It started a couple months ago when I made the decision to leave my home of 5 years, Denver, to embark on an adventure of unknowns.  I don't think I realized then how wild the ride would be from then to now.  Let's make a list of the big things that've gone down:

1.  Graduated college.
2.  Quit the best job I've ever had.
3.  Started researching MFA programs.
4.  Attended my bff's wedding ceremony in Iowa and had the most wild three days of life.
5.  Moved my stuff out of my favorite room (in Denvah) I've ever had.
6.  Said goodbye to my coworkers, Kelsey, Ashley, Swathi, the Mexico 4, Spencer, the Denver music scene including three former roommates, my brothers, my sis-in-law, Kirk, Rhythm and Autumn, my favorite yoga instructor and studio, Jeremiah's parents, my doggies, Sherman (my horse), and Jeremiah.  Each grouping entailed its own separate goodbye and I ugly cried at most of them.  And those were just the folks I was lucky enough to see before departure!!!
7.  Said farewell to my parents.
8.  Waved goodbye to my country.  AMERICAAAAHHHHH.  (This will happen on June 15th).

I'm sure there has been a lot of other stuff.  Lot's of little things.  At one point, I remember lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling like a wrung-out rag, just beyond physical and emotional exhaustion.

And now, here I sit, alone in the quite of my childhood home.  I have an infinite amount of things to do before I leave: find a place to stay for my first couple nights in London, pack, gather little care packages for some friends abroad, unpack my car of the last of my Denver belongings, print plane tickets.........................etc.  I will get to these things eventually.  For now, I'm just going to rest my bones and relish in this silence of home.

An article to remember...

http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/admitted-children-sex-primarily-pleasure-81691/?utm_content=buffer0eae4&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Life things/Good things...

TODAY HAS BEEN THE BEST DAY!!!!!!!  I've been juggling a lot of balls (yeah, yeah, I know) lately.  LOTS OF BALLS.  And I just must write a post, so I won't forget about the madness.
Get ready for a list because those are just the best of all things.

Again, the balls I've been juggling:
1.   Planning a reunion for my Thailand girls.  Ten girls survived two weeks together in close quarters in Thailand and most of us are now graduating and/or taking trips far away from Denver.  It's been a struggle to find a day that will work for all of us, but I know it will be worth it to get together one last time.
2.  Getting ready to graduate.  Yeah, I keep forgetting all about it.  May 17th.  Should be fun.
3.  Finishing up all of my Writing Center duties.  After the conference, things have slowed down a bit, but today I organized our file cabinets at one of our locations and it was wonderfully cathartic.
4.  Helping Jeremiah prepare his house to sell.  The two of us have been through a lot in that house, so it only feels right to be there when it sells.  Lots and lots of cleaning and dust and organizing and throwing away and setting the scene will be happening in the next two weeks.
5.  Moving out by June 1st, WHAT!?  This is my most ambitious goal at the moment.  Packing up all of my own ish???  If you know me and my penchant for accumulating good, you know this will be practically impossible.  We'll see how it goes!
6.  Planning a trip to EUROPE HEYOOOOO!!  London, Amsterdam, France, and Germany.  Maybe Ireland?  Maybe Spain?  Idk!  I can't wait to see you, Europe, and I especially can't wait to see my lovely frands who live there.
7.  Prepping a portfolio for an MFA program, somewhere, sometime.  This one isn't as pressing, but is equally as exciting as all of the rest put together!  Super stoked.
8.  Thinking of moving somewhere new.  Like, MAYBE CHICAGO OR ASIA.  The world is my oyster, but Chicago has my heart at the moment.

I know there are more things happening, but that is all I'll share for now. 

HAPPY...

Fun things:
1. Today was a great day.  Firstly, a poem I worked pretty hard at was well received in my writing course.  Secondly, my fav yoga teacher gave me a super genuine compliment on my yoga practice.  Both of these things made my day and meant a great deal to me.
2.  I recently had a visitor in Denver and was able to show him around many of my favorite places.  It was a great day of feeling like a tourist in my own city.  We went to Great Divide Brewery, Illegal Pete's, Kinga's, The Thinman, The Squire, Jelly, and a Marijuana dispensary called  iVita Wellness.  Super fun!
3.  The Oscars were totally weird but it meant so much to me to watch them and geek out to all the pretty dresses and my favorite movie stars.  There's nothing like the movies.
4.  I'M GOING TO THE MILEY CYRUS CONCERT TOMORROW WITH MY GIRL KELSEY!!!!  It's gonna be totally weird and awesome and creepy and fabulous.
5.  I just planned a last minute trip to CHICAGO for spring break.  Hi, I'm excited!!!!
6.  I recently hung up my Thailand maps in my room and it's feeling so much more like home.  HOMEEEE.

I've been in such a slump since coming back from Thailand that I'm trying to get stoked on little things in life.  I'm about to pay a couple parking tickets and man will I feel accomplished after that!!! WHOOOOOOO!

That one time guy from Thailand helped me solve all of my Denver problems...

This little ditty is about a weird dude in Thailand who taught me how to be a good person with one socially awkward exchange with his friend while we were sitting around at a climbing crag shooting the shit like we would on any other normal day relaxing with climbing buds and then all of a sudden I hear:

"Dude, you've been pissing me off for the past couple days."  Lots of hurrumphs and grunts and man noises commenced, but from what I heard, socially awkward guy number one was telling dude number two: "Listen man, I've had a good time while we've traveled together.  But.  I don't need to be associated with you anymore.  I'm done being your friend and from this point on, I'm done traveling with you."  If I were at home watching the Real Housewives of Orange County, eating popcorn with my sweatpants and greasy tank top, my reaction would've been, "OOOOOHHHHH SNAAAPPP FOTHAAA MUCKAAAAAA" [fist-full of popcorn stuffed in my face].

But there I was, in real life, in real time, witness to the most brutally honest encounter I'd ever seen.

Let me give you a play-by-play of my emotional reaction (in my head!):
-"That was crraazyy brutal!"
-"I can't believe he did that in ear shot of everyone!"
-"That seemed pretty inappropriate!"
-"But wait."
-"That was amazing.  And perfect.  And brilliant.  And life's way too short not to be brutal.  This guy just gave me the secret code/answer to the universe.  WHAT."

I mean, that's a short list of the things I felt.  I went from being horrified and embarrassed for awkward guy number one to thinking that he was the absolute most brilliant person on earth.

Let's flash forward to life in Denver.  Without getting toooooo personal, I recently was involved in a situation with another person that made me crazy uncomfortable.  Lots of emotions, lots of weird, lots of indecision and turmoil over what to do and who to talk to and a;sdlfkas;dfj;aoiupqer.  I guess it's just tough to talk about stuff with a person when that stuff will most likely make that person (and me!) feel weird and uncomfortable.  And I loath making anyone (and me!) feel the weirds in any way shape or form.  But my gut told me that I just had to embody the power of awkward guy number one from Thailand.  Life's too short to not to talk to people about how you feel.  So.  I was straightforward; I was honest; and most significantly, I was immediately relieved.  Any weirdness, insecurity, and emotional turmoil on my end vanished in a snap.  AND WOW IT WAS JUST SO NEAT HOW THINGS WORKED OUT!!!!!!!

So, anywhoo.  I guess this is my weird way of thanking awkward guy number one from Thailand.  He really did teach me a lot when he stone cold, cold shoulder, ice cold, cold as Christmas, shut down the shit outta dude number two.

A few quick notes on Thailand...

I'm sitting in a jungle bungalow with a thatched roof made of mangrove leaves.  The behind the bar boombox is blasting shitty American pop music circa 2001? 2002? Whenever Avril Lavigne and Evinescence had their heyday.  That's where Thailand is stuck.  But it's not so bad.  I know all the words, afterall.  The breeze from the window is refreshingly chilling and though I have a list a mile long (book flights from Phuket to Chiang Mai and back to Bangkok, figure out how to find the Khao Sok bus station, read ahead for the classes I'm missing this week and next, sync photos, etc), it feels good to finally feel like I can take a moment to sit and reflect.  I'm not even three weeks in and I feel like I've been here for a year.  Since I'm beyond writing a coherent or sensical series of paragraphs, I'm gonna go ahead and write a list of random stuff I've noticed about Thailand or myself or whatever comes up, really.  Punctuation will be as willy-nilly as something willy-nilly and metaphors will be as loosy-goosy as that last one.  My brain is fried in the best way and writing anything down at this point feels like...ummm, yeah, metaphors just aren't going to happen.  Here's the list of random:

-Thailand transportation is crazy in every way.  People don't wear seatbelts.  Cars pass each other in no pass zones, weaving between motor bikes, portable foodcarts, and women and children walking their bikes in the shoulder of the highway.  A taxi can be a tuk tuk or the back of a pick up truck.  I've taken tractors, motorbikes, vans, buses.  And that's not even counting the boats.  Longboats, speed boats, boats whose names I don't know.  I mean, really, anything that has a motor has carted me around this crazy country at a slow gurgle or at the speed where you find yourself clutching your armrests, white-knuckled, imagining with vivid detail your body being flung from the vehicle upon smashing into the approaching weave and speed crazed tour buses.  I will say, though, I got used to the crazy transport system pretty quick.  I trust the drivers here.  Not because I'm cool as a cucumber, but because I've had no choice but to let go of the fear and just trust.  It's a good feeling.

-I'm thankful to have seen a lot of different sides of Thailand thus far.  Staying in Thai villages in the Thai people's homes, talking to Tsunami victims, learning to make the very roof I'm sitting under, using a hatchet to chop through two layers of coconut in order to make a traditional Thai desert, getting lost, getting swindled left and right, attempting to barter, getting laughed at in the nicest of ways, getting Thai massages, hiking through the jungle, seeing a myriad of beaches, snorkeling with a school of striped fish, sleeping at an ecolodge and waking up to ants crawling all over me, eating the most incredible and unique food, eating a bug the size of my thumb (crunchy on the outside and then a squirt of sour salty gooze surrounding my tongue and teeth--immediate vomit reflex), "feeding" the monks, checking out ginormous golden Buddha statues, I mean.... I don't even know.  There has been so much.  I've been Instagraming like crazy in an attempt to capture the whirlwind of my experience. There are not enough words to explain the feeling that I have in seeing and doing so many new things at once.  I'm the girl who takes time to pause and reflect, analyze and ponder, ruminate and contemplate.  With literally no time in the world to do so, I'm dazed, confused, blind and blissful, soaking up as much as is possible, and finding a way to be okay with the pace of mad-dash travel.  I could go on and on, but anyway...

-Hey Sonja, what food do you miss the most in Thailand?  PEANUT BUTTER WITHOUT A DOUBT IN THIS WORLD.  Yeah, so so much.  What about other stuff?  I miss music, maybe the most.  I don't have anything on my phone and am too cheap or stubborn to buy it on iTunes when I have the files back home.  Spotify and Pandora are banned here....along with youtube videos.  I can't upload music files from dropbox.  When I searched for the New Pornographers (it's a band, for any family reading--ha!), I found out that any porn activity is strictly banned which is insanely ironic considering how much sex tourism I've seen in Thailand.  Anyway.  What else do I miss?  My dogs.  Clean laundry.  A consistent sleeping space.  Wifi.  Warm showers (though, I've become quite skilled at the cold shower).  Normal flushing toilets.  I don't know, I miss all kinds of stuff but have thankfully been so busy, I haven't noticed much.  But, peanut butter.  I will have a sweet and sultry peanut butter affair upon my return.

-Here's a word of advice to the ladies out there and TMI for any men, family, co-workers, hm, maybe I shouldn't divulge, but---Never, and I mean never, get a back-alley Brazilian in Bangkok.  What seemed like a sort of okay, albeit sketchy deal at the time was just not up to snuff.  I'll write a short story about it one of these days.  Great pain breeds great art, am I right?

-Other things: Studying abroad with ten women is kind of a lot.  Like, A LOT.  Overall, things were great.  But shit hit the fan towards the end and while it was pretty entertaining to watch, all of us girls will probably have some war wounds in the end.  Luckily, what happens in Bangkok stays in Bangkok and my lips are sealed regarding that hotmess of a tornado trainwreck, if ya know what I mean.

-The hotel bar I'm sitting at has just turned off all the lights and I'm stupid tired anyway.  I'll try to post more when I can.  I might post my pictures or I might just keep them stowed away on Instagram.  If you're interested, my username is SONINJASTAD. 

-Sending a 'wai' from Thailand.