NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS EEP!

I've been crazy hard on my self lately.  A big ball of self-loathing, if you will.  But the other day I was helping my dad brainstorm for our annual Christmas card and my list of 2014 events forced me to snap out of my months long hate fest.  When it comes down to it, 2014 has been my most eventful and successful year thus far.  However much I loathe myself now, I can't help but agree with this fact.  I started the year with a month in Thailand.  I graduated later that year from CU Denver.  I spent the next three months traveling across Europe to seven different countries (England, Netherlands, Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Spain, France).  The next month was spent visiting Denver, CO and Austin, TX.  And the two months after that were spent in Iowa with my parents, slaving away at grad school apps and torturing myself for not being a more efficient writer.  When I went back to Colorado the next month, I started to find some clarity and positivity.  I was able to spend longer periods of time with my brother and sister-in-law and their cutie lil dog along with mah spirit friend, April and the best gang of folks in Denver.  Anyway, I'm just trying to remind myself that:

--Four months of my year were spent abroad.
--Two additional months were spent living out of two duffle bags.
--Two months were spent in Sonja jail, (my own mind).
--And the rest of the year was spent finishing school.

So, this is all just to say that part of 2015 will be spent mellowing the F out because if my next year is anything like my last year, I'll be totally thrilled.  My 2015 resolutions are super simple.  But first, let me dig up last years goals and laugh at myself for whatever is to follow:

2014 Goals:
1.  Chop off all of my hair by the end of the year.  NOPE LONG HAIR DON'T CARE
2.  Become comfortable hiking alone.  NOPE, BUT TRAVELING ALONE--YES!!
3.  Travel to another country (Not including Thailand). YES!!!!!!
4.  Visit my aunt Pat in Idaho. NO:(
5.  Go skiing at least once more this season and buy a ski pass for next season. NOPE
6.  Get comfortable visiting ski resorts and skiing on my own. NOPE
7.  Find a place where I can live with Alamo (my doggie).  NOPE (the dogs are staying together with their dad, Jeremiah.  Single tear.)
8.  Continue volunteering at the Botanic Gardens.  Begin volunteering at a senior living facility. UGH, NO TO BOTH OF THESE.
9.  Create a bangin' CV. NO, BUT MY RESUME IS LOOKING PRETTY SPICY LATELY.
10.  Graduate college. YES
11.  Apply for an internship in NYC BABAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY. (IN THE WORKS...)

Well, shit.  Not the most successful year in terms of these goals, but whatever, the two-ish that I did accomplish were good ones.  Here's my 2015 goals:

1.  Stop looking at my phone before bed.
2.  Live alone.
3.  Get a job.
4.  Travel to another country (South America???).
5.  Volunteer for a writing non-profit.
6.  Get back into yoga. 
7.  Move to a different U.S. city.

Super, there ya have it. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS!!!

Lost bird...

Oh my goodness, how lost am I?

Do I want to do grad school? Work part time? Full time? And in what field?

Shall I pursue relationships or just give them a toss?

Should I live in Iowa? Denver? Chicago? New York? Austin? Or say to hell with it and teach abroad? Thailand? South America? Or should I do that work visa in Australia for a year?

What is living? Somewhere between stability and reckless abandon I've found, but after months and months of tasting this or that without any sort of plan, I'm going a bit mad. I want to pursue everything and nothing all at once.

OOF.  

Job search

Okay, so I've kind of been the queen of complaining lately. 
-Life is so hard
-I miss traveling
-Why is it so difficult to update my resume and find a job?
-Why are my parents such insensitive you-know-whats?
-Why are grad school applications sucking my life away?
-Waaaahhhhhhhhhh, I mean, seriously, I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself.

BUT--I'm getting into the groove of things with this job search business, and though I may totally hate my life again tomorrow, I'm kind of getting excited about everything!  I have so many areas of interest and so many random professional proficiencies from my odd-ball working life that the job search is as open as my imagination will take me.  I'm looking at positions at writing centers, news and radio stations, college test-prep centers, publishing houses, magazines, travel agencies and start-ups, and everywhere in between. 

As much as I hate the clerical bore of updating my resume and CV, it's given me a lift from the post-travel blues that have plagued my life for a month-ish.  So, yeah!  Super!  On to the next adventure!
 

My goal is to...

Live a life of...
Positivity
Authenticity
Creativity
Passion
and
Gratitude

Okay, sorry if I sound like a hippy, but this is just a good reminder for me.

Post-everything...

Post graduation, move from Denver, trip to Europe, and car crash upon my return to Iowa, I've noticed some stuff about America and myself.  Here's what I've noticed and what I've been up to:

-In Europe, I got so used to people only speaking English to me that upon my return, I thought people around me, talking on their cell phones or to their friends, were always addressing me.  So, of course, I'd become startled at the things they would say.  One construction worker in Denver said "You're so lazy!" to his friend and I just turned around and stared, wondering how I could deserve such a scolding from a stranger, only to realize that people speak English to other people aside from me here.
-Speaking of English, mine is just terrible.  After months of listening to other languages and using more simplified English in attempts at being understood, my own English vocab is shot.  I'm just not as articulate or eloquent anymore and formulating a well written thought at the level I used to takes ages.  Blarg!
-Personal space.  I have personal space!
-I've been indulging in the news.  I read the local Iowa City newspaper, the bing newspaper that's on my computer, yahoo (regular and celeb), along with a stupid amount of articles posted by friends on facebook.  I just can't get enough, it's like candy.
-I've also been reading loads of magazines.  Entertainment Weekly, Harpers Bazaar, Esquire, Cosmo, gimme gimme gimme.  Also candy.
-I'm a sleep machine and I don't even care.
-I've been taking my time at everything and am only forcing myself to get one thing accomplished each day.  An accomplishment could be any number of small achievements.  Hang out with a friend, get my teeth cleaned, go climbing, send neglected thank you notes, binge on the Kardashian's, e-mail prospective grad school programs, transfer photos.  The list goes on and on.  But I'm trying to keep things manageable so as not to totally flip my lid about being unemployed, broke, and without any sort of concrete direction.
-America rules.  We've got our shit, that is for sure.  But I'm convinced that we are the most diverse and uniquely complex country in the whole world and our mess, our struggle to get along between race/class/you name it is an absolute privilege.  I love complaining about this country.  I will always complain and expect better of this country, but every time I travel I become more and more thankful for the USA.
-We can die at anytime.  Sorry for the quick shift, but....I could have died on I-80 a couple of weeks ago if everything didn't go as they did that night.  I could have been all the way dead.  Gone.  And that would have been that.  The day after the accident, I sprawled out in the grass of my childhood home and just looked up at the sky.  The sun warmed my face and the grass cooled my back and I just lied there with the grass and thought about being alive.  I came to no grand conclusions, but I've felt different ever since.

Okay, well, that was one helluva random list.  But that is the way of my brain as of late, and I thought I may as well chronicle maybe the biggest transition of mah liiiiife!  The world is my oyster, our oyster!  Let's hang out, friends!

Fragmented...

I went ahead and published my last post unfinished because whatever, I just can't keep my shit together in terms of chronicling this epic journey.  I started with one journal, and then I began keeping another for a poetry project, which also turned into a personal journal, and then for a while I was using the notepad on my phone for on the go entries, and this blog every once and again, along with a notepad program on my computer and various e-mails to my family which often read more like diary entries.  So, my shit is clearly scattered. I always feel the need to chronicle but in an organized fashion?  Not gonna happen in this life.

Things have been good here.  I'm very tired, but I know that the moment I leave Europe I will miss many things I've gotten used to and either come to love or become frustrated with abroad.  Three months is a long time to be away from home, I can attest to that, but each segment of my trip has brought new surprises and various reasons to carry on.

I'm having a relaxed day in today.  Chocolat, my tri-colored guinea pig roommate, nibbles his lettuce sprigs with increasing vigor, all while squeal-snorting, a sort of purr which I've come to realize signals a sense of deep satisfaction.  The cat, Kiara, stares a me from her post.  The apartment is silent, Sylvain and Pauline are off running errands, but I do hear waves of traffic from the main street outside. 

I woke up late this morning and walked to the corner bakery which makes the best croissant and pan chocolat.  I bought trois of each and cradled the bag as I walked back.  Precious cargo, for sure.  The plan for today is to mail a letter, take a shower, do some yoga, and catch a movie with friends a while later.

I've loved the feeling of normalcy I've found in Saint-Etienne and will always be grateful for my extended time here.  I've been to a wedding reception (in costume!), climbed, cleaned the kitchen, done laundry, completed a via ferrata, hiked around the French country side, attended bbqs and pool parties, visited the contemporary art museum, grocery shopped, eaten the most incredible French food, spent the day at a nice pool spa, made a weekend trip to Lyon, and experienced countless other small enjoyments that can't come close to being labeled or quantified.

The past couple days have brought the beginning of falling leaves and crisp afternoon walks.  I feel autumn creeping in and I really can't believe that I left the USA an entire season ago.  When I left, Denver was still struggling with "should I be hot or cold today?" and I know I will be surprised to come home to a season other than summer.  Time doesn't stop when you leave the country? 

I will be more than thankful to return to the USA.  I am comfortable there for multiple reasons, especially the ease of communication, but I will mostly be thankful to return with a renewed appreciation for the diversity and complexity of such a unique place.  Oh, yeah, and I'll get to see my FAMILY AND FRANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don't know how to end this ramble so blah.  Here it ends.

If you don't have instagram and would like to peak at my photos from my past three months in seven countries, here's the link:
http://instagram.com/winnowingwind

Saint-Etienne, France...

France.  What can I say about Saint-Etienne, France.  I haven't been doing very many touristy things.  Many of my days have been spent watching movies, cleaning the apartment, and preparing good French meals with my host, Sylvain, and his girlfriend, Pauline.  We chat and work on our laptops, read books, sift through magazines, sing songs, play with the cat, or watch the guinea pig freak out over the lettuce leaves we sometimes share with him.  We've been out to fancy and not-so-fancy restaurants, climbed at a nearby crag, attended a football game (GO GREENS!), travelled to a nearby city to climb a plugged volcano (!!!), and most recently danced the night away at a costume party for Sylvain's brother's wedding reception.  After two months of intense travel, being in Saint-Etienne is more than a relief: I feel like home here.

There's something fantastic about cultivating friendships and staying with friends abroad.  Unlike most hostel or hotel experiences, staying with a friend ensures both an intimacy with